I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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