I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
