new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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