She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
