there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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