she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
