guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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