My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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