Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
