I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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