WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
