i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
