You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
