when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
