I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
