look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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