wat bout pragnant strippers??
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
