I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
