it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
