im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
