Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
