you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
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I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
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Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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