I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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