i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
