guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
