Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
