You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
