He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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