I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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