I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
