Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
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