So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
