I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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