Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
