My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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