My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
