we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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