Soap is not a condiment
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Randomize
