we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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