Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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