I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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