I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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