Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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