Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
