upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
