Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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