so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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