It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
