woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
