Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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