I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
