Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
