I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
