Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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