lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
