My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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