I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
