We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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