Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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