btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
