see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
