Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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