i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
