; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
