Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
