no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
