You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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