No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
