Tell her she can't have a vagina
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
