Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
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I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
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Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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