Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
