the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
