he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Someone came in the potted fern
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
