I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
