would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
