what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
