Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
