I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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