i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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