I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
