Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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