i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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