Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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