i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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