Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
