using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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